A Systemic Lack of Responsibility for Self
“… Bowen Theory can be helpful
no matter whom the client is!”
— Kevin Cundiff
How to develop a drunk in 8 or more easy steps (with apologies to Murray Bowen)?
Start with an imbalance of responsibility among family members, toss in 100-year-old patterns of family emotional isolation, simmer over a large base of chronic anxiety, season with some acute stressors and then note:
- The more the family is threatened by irresponsible drinking behavior, the more anxious they get;
- The more anxious they get, the more they become critical;
- The more they become critical, the greater the emotional isolation;
- The greater the emotional isolation, the more the alcoholic drinks;
- The more the alcoholic drinks, the higher the anxiety;
- The higher the anxiety, the greater the criticism and emotional distance;
- The greater the criticism and emotional distance, the more the drinking becomes problematic;
- The more the drinking becomes problematic, the more the family is threatened by irresponsible drinking behavior, and the music goes ‘round and ’round, Whoa-ho-ho, Back to number 1.’
Voila! A fully decompensated alcoholic. Even Bobby Flay would approve. As the family more and more organizes itself around caring for the alcoholic, it loses its ability to deal with normative life cycle changes, and fails to develop and evolve.
So as the hole in the bucket gets larger and larger dear Liza, how do we help the family keep from seeping deeper and deeper into the ground?
The answer may not be blowin’ in the wind but modification of family relationship patterns may help alleviate the severity of the decree. Helping the alcoholic family starts with inquiries about developing increasing levels of functional differentiation and solid self, working to diminish levels of fusion and/or emotional cut-off, i.e. helping all interested and committed family members to become more productively responsible for their own behavior.
The good news is that even if the one who is drinking alcoholically refuses to engage in the therapeutic process, he or she cannot sabotage it. It only takes one motivated family member, committed to change his or her behavior in the context of family relationship dynamics, to improve the entire family’s functioning. A change in functioning of one family member is automatically followed by compensatory changes in other family members.
The Bowen Family Systems Theory approach understands individuals who drink alcoholically, as part of a family unit that has a multigenerational history that has led to this behavior. Alcoholism and chemical addictions affect the psychology of entire families. Intergenerational patterns of power, loss and control (imbalances in responsibility, functioning and adequacy) transmit poisonous attitudes from parent to child.
These unresolved problems often remain even after sustained sobriety. And because over- and under-functioning in families and relationships provides a welcome mat for alcoholism, substance abuse and chemical dependence, therapeutic interventions are aimed at modifying ineffective and inefficient family patterns in which symptomatic behavior is embedded. This necessitates a re-organization of the family in order to establish healthy relationships, adapt to new roles, address other family issues and help achieve desired levels of intimacy.
The goal is to solve problems in current relationships so as not to leave a damaging legacy for the next generation.
Best of luck on your unfolding journey of a lifetime.
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Ronald B. Cohen, MD Bowen Family Systems Coach 1 Barstow Road, Suite P-10 Great Neck, NY 11021 (516) 466-7530 RBCohenMD@FamilyFocusedSolutions.com |
